Cockroaches aren't glamorous or cute. They're often seen as pests who need to be destroyed for the survival of other species. They're unhygienic. They're gross. Why would I choose this year to be the year of the cockroach? Of all things!

Because cockroaches are resilient. They adapt to their habitats and do what they must to survive. All over the world, cockroaches exist and their anatomy changes based on the species and where they exist. I feel like I have also had to adapt a lot this year based on my life stage.

Cockroaches are used to make cosmetics and medicine too. They're being studied for cancer treatments and AIDS. It is rumored they can survive anything.

They're also very social, and some species are driven by hormones. When roaches are independent versus social, they function at a dramatically lower level.

My word for 2023 was "reset". Starting from zero. Starting fresh. Starting differently. That is not an easy to thing to do.

Changing habits is brutal. I don't know how many times I've had to make adaptions this year. From health routines, writing routines, to things like my diet and social choices. It's been a lot and I've survived. The most dramatic one was my diet change, but they've all been equally as impactful to me as a person regardless of what outsiders might see.

From all of this change, I think I've started taking better care of myself. I'm spending my time with people who energize and support me--who love me for who I am. I'm spending my time doing things that are good for me--mentally and physically. I'm so much better at advocating for my needs. I'm a lot more honest with people about how I'm actually doing rather than going for the socially acceptable answer.

I'm an introvert by nature, so creating a social community that both satisfies my longing for companionship, yet also doesn't feel like "work" is a challenge. Finding people who understand this strange way in which I function is also a challenge. It's amazing how something that is seemingly so simple makes such a huge impact on my overall happiness. True friends are more precious than any material item.

My family is a whole other category of community. Also precious, and I feel like I'm remembering who I am enough to be more comfortable in my own skin around them. For a while, I've felt the need to fit into a box that matches up to what I thought were expectations of who I'm supposed to be. My brain somehow tricked itself, and in doing so, I got...weird...and lost.

Resetting helped me figure out where I got lost at, then to find my path again so I can return to progressing forward.

I rediscovered the things I loved about creating.

Last year I wrote: 114,557 words. I'm not going to shame that accomplishment. It was a rough year for me in a lot of ways, and I'm proud of myself for doing that much. That's about a book and a half of words. It's great!

This year I've doubled that amount, and added a little extra. The majority of those words have been written after August when I got a lot of mental healing done. I'm so excited for 2024. I'm trying to NOT get too ahead of myself on that one. But man...I'm so excited. I'd ask for the days to rush to the New Year if it didn't mean making my break end faster. Somehow, I'm going to have to channel this energy into something productive.

This year, I was a cockroach. Gross, but determined and ready to adapt into something that is going to survive the years. Survival and overall contentedness are a lot more important to me than being "cute" and "pretty".

Today I am a bubble of anxiety. I will push through these feelings. I'm sharing that I'm having them because I want to be honest. Not every day is awesome.

Currently...
Playing: "Octopath Traveler II". "Assassin's Creed Valhalla", streaming on Twitch.
Reading: "The Star Scroll" graphic novel. "Sea of Silver Light" audio.
Watching: Live Action One Piece

I'm pretty tired and all over the place today. I have a lot to do! This is going to be a good test of my crunch time abilities. Can I stay the course even if it feels really hard?

Currently...
Playing: "Octopath Traveler II". "Assassin's Creed Valhalla", streaming on Twitch.
Reading: "The Star Scroll" graphic novel. "Sea of Silver Light" audio.
Watching: Live Action One Piece

I wrote my minimum count. If I can keep this up, then I'll have achieved a new milestone in my mental recovery. Yesterday was very balanced, and I hope to keep that feeling up today!

Currently...
Playing: "Octopath Traveler II". "Assassin's Creed Valhalla", streaming on Twitch.
Reading: "Game of Thrones vol. 4" graphic novel. "Iron Flame" audio.
Watching: Live Action One Piece

I did self care yesterday. Today, I'm feeling a lot more inspired to write. Happy Thanksgiving to those who are celebrating! I am thankful for YOU! Either way, I hope you have an AMAZING day.


Currently...
Playing: "Octopath Traveler II". "Assassin's Creed Valhalla", streaming on Twitch.
Reading: "Legacy of Kings" audio. "Artie and the Werewolf" graphic novel. "Iron Flame" audio.
Watching: Live Action One Piece

I'm going to work. It'll be hard, but I hope once I get going, it'll get easier.

Currently...
Playing: "Octopath Traveler II". "Assassin's Creed Valhalla", streaming on Twitch.
Reading: "Legacy of Kings" audio. "Artie and the Werewolf" graphic novel. "The Woman in Me" print. "Iron Flame" audio.
Watching: Live Action One Piece. Amazing Race Season 9.

Today is for writing. It is going to be a mini-writeathon. I'm super pumped about this.

Currently...
Playing: "Octopath Traveler II". "Assassin's Creed Valhalla", streaming on Twitch.
Reading: "Legacy of Kings" audio. "Artie and the Werewolf" graphic novel. "The Woman in Me" print.
Watching: Live Action One Piece

I didn't get as much writing done yesterday as I would have liked, but I did the bare minimum. I'm track for the week. It's a small victory that I will enjoy.

Overall, I'm feeling unmotivated and disheartened. I desperately hope this funk passes soon. I'd been so excited to write a week ago. I'd like for that feeling to return.

Currently...
Playing: "Octopath Traveler II". "Assassin's Creed Valhalla", streaming on Twitch.
Reading: "Legacy of Kings" audio. "Game of Thrones Vol 3" graphic novel. "The Woman in Me" print.
Watching: Live Action One Piece

Yesterday was a challenge. Today will be one too. I'm in a funk, and I'm not sure why.

Currently...
Playing: "Octopath Traveler II". "Assassin's Creed Valhalla", streaming on Twitch.
Reading: "Bookshops and Bonedust" audio. "Legacy of Kings" audio. "Game of Thrones Vol 3" graphic novel. "The Woman in Me" print.
Watching: Live Action One Piece

Did a bit yesterday. I caught up on some necessary side projects. Today I'm not feeling too great, so we'll see what happens. Writing is hard to do when I'm sick. Even if I'm stuck in bed, it's hard to focus on anything.

Currently...
Playing: "Octopath Traveler II". "Assassin's Creed Valhalla", streaming on Twitch.
Reading: "The Final Empire" audio. "Legacy of Kings" audio. "Game of Thrones Vol 3" graphic novel. "The Woman in Me" print.
Watching: Live Action One Piece