I ended up not writing yesterday. Normally, today would be the day I take off from writing the words, but I am flip flopping that plan and adapting.

Writing is hard today. The want is there. The ideas are there. I am just lacking a certain energy to keep my desire to press forward going. A lot of this is bad habits that need to be demolished. That is a process that takes time.

For the time being, I'm going to be gentle with myself. I'm going to get things done, but I'm not going to get angry when my focus is still in baby stages. It will get better, and it will get stronger.


Currently:
Playing: "Final Fantasy X" perfect run attempt. "Death Stranding". "Octopath Traveler: Zero". "Cat Quest II" replay. "Elden Ring".
Reading: "Tailored Realities" print. "The Witching Hour" audio. "The Spellshop" audio. "The World's Greatest Salesman" ebook.

Today I go back to the day job, so we'll see how well I balance out my work life and my writing life. I am tired, so this is going to be a tough one. But I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. We're on this walk together.

I'll elaborate more on this another day when I have more energy to write those things out. Today is not that day.


Currently:
Playing: "Final Fantasy X" perfect run attempt. "Death Stranding". "Octopath Traveler: Zero". "Cat Quest II" replay. "Elden Ring".
Reading: "On Miracles and Magic" print. "The Witching Hour" audio. "The Spellshop" audio.

Today, I will get back on track. It's going to be a bit harder than I originally anticipated. My brain and body are not checked in with what my heart desires. I'm going to try and we'll see what happens. Already, the day is not shaping out like planned, and that always throws me for a loop.

However, if I'm going to succeed in my goals, I need to learn how to move forward even when things go south, so that is the plan. Today is going to be about getting uncomfortable.


Currently:
Playing: "Final Fantasy X" perfect run attempt. "Death Stranding". "Octopath Traveler: Zero". "Cat Quest II" replay. "Elden Ring".
Reading: "On Miracles and Magic" print. "The Witching Hour" audio. "House of Embers" audio.

It's the new year! Today, I am jumping on the writing horse, and this time if I fall off I'm going to work on climbing back on faster.

Today is for write-a-thon, keeping myself awake, and trying to stay on task as much as possible.

My mission for 2026 is Flow. Going with it, letting it move through me. Flowing with creativity. It's kind of an obscure mission, but I like that. Gives me lots of room for interpretation and success.

Currently:
Playing: "Final Fantasy X" perfect run attempt. "Death Stranding". "Octopath Traveler: Zero". "Cat Quest II" replay. "Elden Ring".
Reading: "On Miracles and Magic" print. "The Witching Hour" audio. "A Queen This Fierce and Deadly" audio.

I don't feel majestic enough to declare myself a panda, but I do feel like a panda all the same. I struggled with finding the creature to embody this year if I'm being honest. I did a google search for animals that are cautious because that's how I feel I've moved this year. Panda's were on the list and then I learned some new things about pandas.

One, they camouflage well despite it seeming like they might not be able to. I mean, it's a giant black and white bear, and yet, they're hard to see in the wild. I've been doing well at hiding in plain sight.

Two, pandas do a lot of adapting to their environment.

Three, they spend a lot of their day eating and sleeping. I'm not happy about those habits of mine, but they do exist and they got me through some harder moments of the year. I've learned to tune them toward productive results.

Four, pandas are no longer considered endangered, and this is the fact that stuck with me the most. I feel like I'M no longer endangered when it comes to me becoming an author. The task still feels bigger than me, however, I am learning to lean on the one who knows best. The one who will support me and guide me. My faith and connection to God is so much stronger so despite everything feeling impossible, I know it's not going to be made by me. I'll probably expand on this another day.

The point: this year is a panda. Going with my gut here.

My word for the year was "joy", and remembering that word is what got me through the year. A lot of days, I woke up and moved straight into "I NEED TO DO ALL OF THE WORDS SO THAT I CAN BE CONSIDERED PRODUCTIVE!" mode. This mode is toxic to me for a lot of reasons. I'm worshiping a word count, and caring more about output than I am about enjoying what I do. I need to connect with a story if I want it to go well, for it to turn out well. There needs to be a heart beating behind every word on the page. Joy needs to be present.

On those days, I'd tell myself to slow down and breathe for a moment. Connect. Feel something. Do not stress about the word count.

Overall, it's been an okay year. My output of writing was about 135,000 words. A smaller year than what I normally do. Words are not the only piece that matters. Heart matters. The end.

Eventually, I grew to only focus on the enjoyment of writing. Which makes me ready for 2026.

I've been taking the day to enjoy time with the family.

Tomorrow, I clear out all my spreadsheets, and finish writing up all the blog posts for the new year.

Everything is very low key today. I like it, but it also feels strange.


Currently:
Playing: "Final Fantasy X" perfect run attempt. "Death Stranding". "Octopath Traveler: Zero". "Dave the Diver" replay. "Elden Ring".
Reading: "On Miracles and Magic" print. "The Witching Hour" audio. "A Queen This Fierce and Deadly" audio.

Today was a day for family. I also did some cleaning and organizing. I've got a number of video games that are vying for my attention at the moment. I'll probably start one or two just to say I've started them, and then decide which one I am going to commit to long term.

I don't think I will write today. I'm hoping to do some of that tomorrow.


Currently:
Playing: "Final Fantasy X" perfect run attempt. "Death Stranding". "Octopath Traveler: Zero". "Dave the Diver" replay. "Elden Ring".
Reading: "On Miracles and Magic" print. "The Witching Hour" audio. "A Queen This Fierce and Deadly" audio.

I finished a scene and started something new today.


Currently:
Playing: "Final Fantasy X" perfect run attempt. "Death Stranding". "Octopath Traveler: Zero". "Dave the Diver" replay. "Elden Ring".
Reading: "On Miracles and Magic" print. "The Witching Hour" audio. "A Queen This Fierce and Deadly" audio.

Day two of adventure.


Currently:
Playing: "Final Fantasy X" perfect run attempt. "Death Stranding". "Octopath Traveler: Zero". "Dave the Diver" replay. "Elden Ring".
Reading: "On Miracles and Magic" print. "The Witching Hour" audio. "The Bronzed Beasts" audio.

Leaving for vacation and rejuvenation!

Currently:
Playing: "Final Fantasy X" perfect run attempt. "Death Stranding". "Octopath Traveler: Zero". "Dave the Diver" replay. "Elden Ring".
Reading: "On Miracles and Magic" print. "The Witching Hour" audio. "The Bronzed Beasts" audio.