S1: Day 26 (26)
Jan. 26th, 2023 10:17 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
jillysriserI'm home from the day job again today. My youngest keeps getting sick, and given the pandemic, the school is very strict about who can and cannot be at school. I try to go based on how he feels, and he said he'd have gone to the nurse. He seems extra lethargic, and he had that last night as well.
Being home means I am going to focus on my own health. I wrote yesterday about how I need to take some time off for myself so I can regroup. Over the past few years, I broke myself mentally trying to do work while also trying to hold my life together during a time where everything was falling apart. It tested me, and in order to save my happiness, I had to step back from certain things. Basically, I was trying to have it all, because I was told that it was possible. That if I was a successful human being, I should be able to achieve that. Or, more specifically, a successful woman. Because while my husband has pressures of his own to deal with, he doesn't seem to have the constant pressure of needing to be 100% functional 24/7.
I had to give myself permission to NOT have it all put together. Everyone else in my house had already given me permission. My kids and my spouse do not expect me to always be 100%. They want me happy. I was holding myself back from that happiness.
I took a big break from writing, and I felt like a huge failure because of it. Huge. I still struggle with it. Because I have friends writing four books a month and I haven't finished one in two years and counting.
And that's why I'm taking time off for the next few days. I'm giving myself permission to rest after a lot of hard work.
Currently...
Playing: "Dreamlight Valley" lvl 40. "The Last of Us", chapter 9 streaming on Twitch.
Reading: "The Bullet That Missed", print. "Aurora's End", audio. "Spy X Family vol 6", ebook.
Watching: "Stranger Things" season 1.
Being home means I am going to focus on my own health. I wrote yesterday about how I need to take some time off for myself so I can regroup. Over the past few years, I broke myself mentally trying to do work while also trying to hold my life together during a time where everything was falling apart. It tested me, and in order to save my happiness, I had to step back from certain things. Basically, I was trying to have it all, because I was told that it was possible. That if I was a successful human being, I should be able to achieve that. Or, more specifically, a successful woman. Because while my husband has pressures of his own to deal with, he doesn't seem to have the constant pressure of needing to be 100% functional 24/7.
I had to give myself permission to NOT have it all put together. Everyone else in my house had already given me permission. My kids and my spouse do not expect me to always be 100%. They want me happy. I was holding myself back from that happiness.
I took a big break from writing, and I felt like a huge failure because of it. Huge. I still struggle with it. Because I have friends writing four books a month and I haven't finished one in two years and counting.
And that's why I'm taking time off for the next few days. I'm giving myself permission to rest after a lot of hard work.
Currently...
Playing: "Dreamlight Valley" lvl 40. "The Last of Us", chapter 9 streaming on Twitch.
Reading: "The Bullet That Missed", print. "Aurora's End", audio. "Spy X Family vol 6", ebook.
Watching: "Stranger Things" season 1.
