S1: Day 292 (292)
Oct. 19th, 2023 09:10 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
jillysriserI'm off from the day job! Hurray! I got to sleep in until my body felt fully rested, and while I have a LOT of chores today, those are the only responsibilities I need to attend to. I can do them in my own time as well. It's wonderful. I had a dream that I needed to go into work today, and that was a little bit of a buzz kill. I'm awake now and living in reality!
Now I think I can write more thoroughly about my writing plans.
At the moment, I'm still trying to figure out how to write while having a day job. It does work better when I'm doing it for a client project because there is a lot of pressure to finish on time. When it's my own work, the pressure is a lot less intense. At the moment, I'm working on trying to figure out how to apply that pressure to myself. I can set deadlines, but I need a consequence or a reward to move me toward that goal. With a client, it's getting paid. When it comes to myself, I need to find a good carrot to dangle in front. I'll figure that out! I'm giving myself until the new year to keep experimenting with how to keep myself moving toward personal goals. Starting over is HARD. It takes time to figure things out. I've got about two and a half more months to do this.
It doesn't help that I keep having inspiring dreams! A few weeks ago I got the idea for my NaNoWriMo project, "The Order of the Spoken Word" which is about a group of people who do some kind of good for others using unique magic based on the power of words spoken. I've got some great characters brewing, and I'm currently working on their circumstances that will kick off this adventure. I'm using it as my NaNoWriMo project because I need something new and fresh and not serious to reteach myself how to write while living a non-writing centered life.
What does that mean? I don't write for a living--yet. I write for joy. I write because I have to in my soul. My life doesn't circle around the words, though, so I have to figure out how to get the words in any chance I have. Okay, maybe not every opportunity that arises, because I need to balance in time to read and play games and do chores.
Back when I was much younger, I used to do this all the time at school. I'd daydream about my projects during class. Maybe I'd write in a notebook if I could get away with it... Then I'd come home and spend hours upon hours on my computer putting the words into a document. In college, I had a similar life, and then when I moved into the real world, I kept that going for a bit. I'd go to work, I'd come home, I'd do the minimum chores I needed to get done for the day, and then I'd write. I had my first son, and I figured it out around him. Then he got older, and I had a second kid, and then things started to get a little more complicated. I still made it work, though!
Then I had some terrible publishing experiences with different companies, and that really ruined writing for me. I was writing for the market. I was writing to please others. It made my words feel ugly and gross. I second guessed far too many things.
I'm healing from those experiences, while also trying to be a mom, a wife, and working outside of the home in a very physical job. I have some mental health issues in play as well, and I'm not embarrassed to talk about them. They exist and I'm working around them, and it is what it is! A lot about me is different in this season, and that's okay too. I just need to figure out how to chase my goals while also being different.
My word for 2023 was "Reset" which means to go back to zero. I think I've written about this before. I'm building from scratch. Change is hard. I have to remember I am not the same as I was 5, 10, 15, and 20 years ago. I'm in a new season, and I have to start from the beginning to make new goals from the ground up.
That's the stage I'm at.
With all the backstory out of the way, let's talk about the future goals. Perhaps sharing them will help me bring them into reality--and you can help me stay accountable. I need that. I'm not sure how to get it, but I need it.
The hope for next year is to write a rough draft on the following projects:
1) EPIC10
2) Lab1
3) ICU1
4) CSR project of choice
Beyond that is bonus words.
I feel like I did have more projects chosen, but we'll start there. Those are the ones that really want my attention at the moment.
That's a lot of projects as well. And they aren't small ones. They are long and complicated and deep. I have a lot of prep to do before I start writing more seriously come January.
I'm not sure what my word for 2024 is going to be, but I'm sure it will be something intense and hard.
I'll probably also make another post closer to 2024 talking about all of this.
Remember how I said I had a bunch of inspiring dreams? One of them was to reboot a project from my high school days! This makes me nervous...but also excited. I do love that universe and the characters that reside in it.
It's a lot to think about. I know it'll all come together. Writing it down does help A LOT. Any ideas on how to keep me accountable? I'll take them!
Currently...
Playing: "Breath of the Wild". "Assassin's Creed Valhalla", streaming on Twitch. "Cafe Enchante".
Reading: "Legacy of Kings" audio. "Star Bringer" print. "Game of Thrones Vol 2" graphic novel.
Watching: Live Action One Piece
Now I think I can write more thoroughly about my writing plans.
At the moment, I'm still trying to figure out how to write while having a day job. It does work better when I'm doing it for a client project because there is a lot of pressure to finish on time. When it's my own work, the pressure is a lot less intense. At the moment, I'm working on trying to figure out how to apply that pressure to myself. I can set deadlines, but I need a consequence or a reward to move me toward that goal. With a client, it's getting paid. When it comes to myself, I need to find a good carrot to dangle in front. I'll figure that out! I'm giving myself until the new year to keep experimenting with how to keep myself moving toward personal goals. Starting over is HARD. It takes time to figure things out. I've got about two and a half more months to do this.
It doesn't help that I keep having inspiring dreams! A few weeks ago I got the idea for my NaNoWriMo project, "The Order of the Spoken Word" which is about a group of people who do some kind of good for others using unique magic based on the power of words spoken. I've got some great characters brewing, and I'm currently working on their circumstances that will kick off this adventure. I'm using it as my NaNoWriMo project because I need something new and fresh and not serious to reteach myself how to write while living a non-writing centered life.
What does that mean? I don't write for a living--yet. I write for joy. I write because I have to in my soul. My life doesn't circle around the words, though, so I have to figure out how to get the words in any chance I have. Okay, maybe not every opportunity that arises, because I need to balance in time to read and play games and do chores.
Back when I was much younger, I used to do this all the time at school. I'd daydream about my projects during class. Maybe I'd write in a notebook if I could get away with it... Then I'd come home and spend hours upon hours on my computer putting the words into a document. In college, I had a similar life, and then when I moved into the real world, I kept that going for a bit. I'd go to work, I'd come home, I'd do the minimum chores I needed to get done for the day, and then I'd write. I had my first son, and I figured it out around him. Then he got older, and I had a second kid, and then things started to get a little more complicated. I still made it work, though!
Then I had some terrible publishing experiences with different companies, and that really ruined writing for me. I was writing for the market. I was writing to please others. It made my words feel ugly and gross. I second guessed far too many things.
I'm healing from those experiences, while also trying to be a mom, a wife, and working outside of the home in a very physical job. I have some mental health issues in play as well, and I'm not embarrassed to talk about them. They exist and I'm working around them, and it is what it is! A lot about me is different in this season, and that's okay too. I just need to figure out how to chase my goals while also being different.
My word for 2023 was "Reset" which means to go back to zero. I think I've written about this before. I'm building from scratch. Change is hard. I have to remember I am not the same as I was 5, 10, 15, and 20 years ago. I'm in a new season, and I have to start from the beginning to make new goals from the ground up.
That's the stage I'm at.
With all the backstory out of the way, let's talk about the future goals. Perhaps sharing them will help me bring them into reality--and you can help me stay accountable. I need that. I'm not sure how to get it, but I need it.
The hope for next year is to write a rough draft on the following projects:
1) EPIC10
2) Lab1
3) ICU1
4) CSR project of choice
Beyond that is bonus words.
I feel like I did have more projects chosen, but we'll start there. Those are the ones that really want my attention at the moment.
That's a lot of projects as well. And they aren't small ones. They are long and complicated and deep. I have a lot of prep to do before I start writing more seriously come January.
I'm not sure what my word for 2024 is going to be, but I'm sure it will be something intense and hard.
I'll probably also make another post closer to 2024 talking about all of this.
Remember how I said I had a bunch of inspiring dreams? One of them was to reboot a project from my high school days! This makes me nervous...but also excited. I do love that universe and the characters that reside in it.
It's a lot to think about. I know it'll all come together. Writing it down does help A LOT. Any ideas on how to keep me accountable? I'll take them!
Currently...
Playing: "Breath of the Wild". "Assassin's Creed Valhalla", streaming on Twitch. "Cafe Enchante".
Reading: "Legacy of Kings" audio. "Star Bringer" print. "Game of Thrones Vol 2" graphic novel.
Watching: Live Action One Piece
